


Free to Be You and Me

by starlightmesss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20? I don't know her, Canon Divergence, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post 15x19, fuck whatever the hell the finale was, mentioned saileen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27938042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightmesss/pseuds/starlightmesss
Summary: "When Castiel woke up, he was lying down, surrounded by darkness. Again. The only thing that had changed since the last time he had been in the Empty, was the presence of a loud, unidentified sound."
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 204





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yes I used the title of one of my favourite deancas episodes :)  
> this is post 15x19, with a slight change after Jack reboots the Earth because I miss Jack and I didn't want him to disappear completely   
> I may add a chapter ?? idk we'll see, in the meantime enjoy !!

“Oh, and when I went to the Empty and released all of that power, it made it loud. So everyone in there could be awake. Just as a warning.”

Jack’s words echoed through Dean’s mind on the whole ride back to the bunker. What he was meaning to say was clear. If who was in there was awake, then Cas was too. He was saying  _ ‘I can’t interfere, but you can.’ _ Then he had left with a ‘see you around’, though Dean wasn’t sure how often they were going to actually see the kid from that moment.

As they walked down the bunker stairs, Sam was talking about Eileen, as he had been for most of the time in the car. Not before calling to check on her. 

Seeing Sam being like that around her, it had never affected him. It made him happy, of course, and it still did, but in that moment he felt his head spinning. His thoughts were revolving around one thing and one thing only. 

_ Cas. Getting Cas back. Cas’s confession. _

“Dean?” his brother called, watching him walking directly towards the bookshelves. “Maybe you should rest a little? It’s been a hard day, to say the least.”

“Can’t. You heard what Jack said. Everyone in the Empty is awake, so Cas is too.” He grabbed a book that looked like a good start to him and sat at the table.

Sam sighed. “Alright, do you want some help?”

Dean waved him off. “No. You go see Eileen. I don’t want to keep hearing you talk about her the whole night,” he added, without any kind of harshness in his voice. 

His brother hesitated for a second. Then started heading for the door. “Take care, okay? Don’t pull an all nighter.”

Dean didn’t answer. 

\--

When Castiel woke up, he was lying down, surrounded by darkness. Again. The only thing that had changed since the last time he had been in the Empty, was the presence of a loud, unidentified sound. 

The other unusual thing was that he was, in fact, awake.  _ Again.  _

And just like the last time, the Empty itself appeared in front of him, but looking much more annoyed than Cas had ever seen it before. He stood up, frowning.

“What’s this noise? What’s happening?”

“ _ You. _ ” If the Empty’s expression was mad, its voice was furious. It wasn’t yelling, but it talked with dangerous calmness. “You and your humans and your  _ nephilim _ . I just want to go back to sleep, but now this place is so loud and it’s all your friends’ fault.” As it spoke, it walked so close to Castiel that he almost had to lean back. 

“Jack did this? When he ended up here?”

The Empty didn’t seem to like the question. It grabbed Castiel by his shirt collar. “And since he’s not here, you’ll be the one paying for-” it stopped mid sentence, frowning.

“What?”

It studied Cas for a couple of seconds, then raised its eyebrows, a hint of smirk on its face. “Interesting…”

\--

When he heard Sam coming back, later that night, Dean was still in the same seat as earlier, but with a lot more books around him. 

“Dean.”  _ Why are you still awake? Go to sleep. _ He hadn’t said it (yet), but Dean could clearly hear it. 

“Look, I’m getting close to something, I can't just stop now,” he said, without looking up from the book in front of him.

“Sleep deprivation won’t help you.”

Dean scoffed. “I’m perfectly fine.”

He heard Sam sigh and was about to tell  _ him  _ to go to sleep so he could focus back on his research, when his brother asked, “what happened with Cas?”

Dean stared at the book, without reading a word. He didn’t say anything for half a second. “What do you mean?” 

“Dean,” Sam grabbed a chair and sat next to him. “When he... was taken by the Empty, you didn’t answer the phone for... a while.”

He finally looked at him. “Yeah because my-”  _ best friend _ is what he would usually say, what Cas  _ is _ , but... “because Cas died in front of me, Sam!”

“Of course, but… what I mean is, you look different. I’ve seen you mourning, even Cas himself. Multiple times. Now you’re not sleeping. Or eating.”

“It  _ just  _ happened-” 

“Dean, talk to me.”

The older Winchester looked away, sighing. He’d usually tell him to stop worrying, that he was fine, that he was just processing everything. But he knew it wasn’t it. All those... new feelings that weren’t even new at all. It was too much.

Dean stood from the chair, taking his face into his hands, walking away a little, turning his back to Sam. Then he began to turn around again, eyes on the floor. 

“He said something,” he spoke hesitantly, “before the Empty arrived, he-” he took a deep breath. Sam didn’t say anything, giving him time to gather his thoughts. 

“Sammy there’s something I haven’t told you. Something about me that I’ve been trying to hide or to ignore, but... I can’t anymore, not after Cas-” his voice broke. 

Sam stood from his chair and walked towards him, but still giving him space.

Dean looked up at him, eyes getting watery. “I love him, Sam. I really do. With all of myself and that’s never happened with anyone else. I’m-”

His brother hugged him and he cut off, trying with all of his forces not to start crying. He failed.

“Dean I’m here for you, okay? I support you no matter what, no matter who you are and who you love.”

Dean had to swallow hard not to start sobbing. He hugged his brother back. Then he walked away. “Thank you, Sammy.”

“So,” Sam broke the tension and Dean was definitely thankful for that. “What have you found?”

\--

The Empty appeared in front of Castiel again. Before he could ask why, it looked over his shoulder. “Well this is going to be fun.”

Castiel turned around, following its gaze. If his heart had been beating, it would have stopped in that moment. 

Because standing right in front of him, was Dean. Smiling.

“Dean? What- how are you here?” 

“Hey, Cas. Long story, I’ll tell you when I get you out of here.”

Dean was there. Dean was actually there and wanted to rescue him. Castiel could not stop staring at him, his face probably turning into a soft smile. Dean was looking back at him right into his eyes.

“Not so fast,” the Empty interrupted his train of thoughts, “I’m not letting him free like this after waiting all of this time for this deal to happen.”

Castiel suddenly wanted to leave that place as soon as possible. To follow Dean back to Earth. And he was going to fight for it if needed.

Dean moved his gaze to the Empty. “Yeah well. I could leave without him and let you have fun with all this noise.”

Castiel looked back at it too.

“Or...?” 

“Or Cas and I leave and I make this place quiet again.”

Cas frowned. The Empty raised an eyebrow. “And how would you do that?”

“Another long story.”

The Empty laughed sarcastically. “Right, and you won’t even tell me? Why would I trust you?”

“Because I’m the only chance you got to go back to your nap.”

The entity pondered the proposal. Cas looked at Dean, who winked at him.

“Do we have a deal?” Dean asked.

The Empty looked at him for another second. Then answered, “deal. If you don’t keep your word, Winchester,” it added, “I’ll send someone after you. I have a very wide variety of choices here.”

“Sounds good to me. Cas?” Dean held out his hand. “You coming?”

Castiel looked at his hand, swallowed back the insecurity building up in chest, and finally took it. “Of course.”

Dean smiled and Cas melted.

“One last thing,” the Empty interrupted again. Castiel turned to look at it just in time for it to grab its head, hands on either side of his forehead. 

A bright blue light emanated from his face. Then it stopped and the Empty released him. Castiel felt suddenly tired.

“What was that? What did you do?” Dean’s voice was alarmed, full of concern. 

“Relax. It was his grace. I just made him human, his grace was already weak anyway, it was just a matter of time. I’m just making sure he won’t have a single drop of it inside when he dies again so he doesn’t end up here. I never want to see either of you or any member of your family again. Now leave. And remember our deal.”

Dean stared it down. 

“Dean,” Cas reassured him, tightening the grip on his hand, “it’s fine. Let’s go.”

He had already been human. It wasn’t their biggest problem at the moment. They had to get out of there. 

The hunter kept eye contact with the Empty a moment longer, then turned to look at Cas, his expression softer. “Yeah, alright, let’s go.”

Before he could see anything happen, everything faded to black. 

\--

When Castiel woke up, he was lying down, surrounded by darkness. But this time, there was the light of the streetlights coming from the car window, illuminating the inside intermittently. 

He sat up, taking in his surroundings. He was on the backseat of the Impala, on the right. In front of him, on the left, driving, was Dean, who glanced back at him. 

“Good morning. Turning human took a lot of energy out of you, apparently.”

Memories of the Empty came rushing back into Castiel’s mind. He didn’t say anything, instead he let Dean keep talking.

“You passed out as soon as we got out of there and slept for a few hours. I even stopped to get you this.” He grabbed a fast food bag from the passenger seat and handed it to Cas. 

“I, uh, remember you liked this stuff when you were human last time and so I thought maybe you’d be hungry.”

Cas stared at the paper bag in his lap. “Thank you, Dean.”

He ate in silence, then looked outside and frowned. “Where are we driving?”

“Back to the bunker. Couldn’t do the whole thing there.”

“Why not?”

“The spell I used to reach you in the Empty. I had to do it in a specific place. It was where I woke up after you dragged me out of Hell.”

This time, Castiel’s heart could skip a beat. And it did.

His thoughts immediately went back to his confession before the Empty had taken him. He hadn’t exactly planned on having a conversation about it afterwards. 

From that angle he could see Dean’s face quite well. He looked nervous. 

“Dean, about what happened-”

The hunter pulled the car to the side of the road. He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door, “come on, follow me.” He stepped outside. 

Castiel got off too, waiting for Dean to walk around the car and reach him. When Dean stood in front of him the light of a nearby streetlight was faintly illuminating both of them. 

“I didn’t exactly have the time to say anything before the Empty arrived. Or to fully process it in time, anyway. I need to ask you something.”

Castiel took a deep breath and nodded, to tell him to go ahead. He had no idea where he was going with that and it terrified him. 

“Can you say it again? Please?” Dean’s face was open, vulnerable. 

Castiel didn’t hesitate. “I love you, Dean.” He was ready to repeat it a thousand more times, because it was what he felt and finally saying it felt like the most liberating thing in the world. There was a reason why just saying it had made him truly happy and the Empty had come. It was finally all out in the open. 

The man in front of him took a step closer to him, even if they were standing quite close already, and cupped his face with his hands, looking right into his eyes. Castiel could almost still see his soul through them. He could hear his own heart beating so fast it threatened to leave his chest.

“I love you too, Cas.” His voice broke and Castiel just wanted to hug him in that moment, but Dean opened his mouth to continue talking. “I love you so much and I’ve loved you for so long and... when you said you knew you couldn’t have this- Cas, you already have me. Always have and always will.” Tears were now marking Dean’s cheeks and Castiel couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled him into a hug, holding him as tight as possible and Dean returned it, with just as much force, burying his face into Cas’s neck.

_ I love you. I love you. I love you. _ They repeated it, under their breath, until they lost count of how many times they said it. 

When they pulled away, they did it just as much as they needed to press their foreheads together, smiling so much that Castiel’s face almost hurt. 

“You changed me too,” Dean said and it was Cas who was cupping his face now. They’d stared into each other’s eyes for so long, so many times before, but this time felt completely different. 

Cas moved his face closer to Dean’s, waiting to see if he’d move away. He didn’t. He closed the gap himself, actually, and everything felt right in the world.

“Cas,” Dean said, after they pulled away from the kiss, “it’s been a couple of days, I need to tell you everything that’s happened.”

Castiel nodded. “Yes. Let’s go home first.”

Dean smiled. “Yeah let’s go home.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean go back to the bunker and Dean updates him on what's happened while he was in the Empty. They are a bit awkward but very much in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's more !!  
> Will there be even more after this? who knows! not me for sure.  
> Enjoy this in the meantime

When they got back to the bunker it was still the middle of the night. The final couple of hours on the road had been quiet, with Castiel falling asleep every now and then for a few minutes. When he was awake he had asked Dean about his part of accord with the Empty, sounding particularly worried at the thought of another pending deal, but Dean had reassured him he had kept his promise, as soon as they left that place he had texted Sam and he had finished the spell to make it go back to its quiet and silent normality. He had told him about some of the things that had happened, about Miracle, too, and about having defeated Chuck, without getting too much into detail. 

He couldn’t hide it from him forever, and he didn’t want to, but he looked exhausted and he just wanted him to rest as much as possible before telling him about Jack becoming God.

It didn’t last as long as he hoped, though, because Cas hadn’t seen Jack before the Empty had come for him and he probably missed him a lot, so it was when they were finally home that Cas said to himself, “I guess Jack is sleeping, I’ll see him in the morning.”

Dean froze on the spot, and he wasn’t facing him, but he was sure Cas didn’t need to see his expression to realize something was wrong. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then turned around when he heard him calling his name again.

“Dean. Is Jack okay?” 

“Yes,” Dean answered quickly, because Castiel looked completely terrified and he couldn’t have it, “yes, he’s okay, he’s just... he’s the reason why we managed to beat Chuck.”

Cas didn’t look very relieved, probably picking up his tension, so Dean put on a way-more-confident-than-he-actually-felt face and tried sounding as calm as possible as he explained what happened. He told him about his decision not to interfere, too, which meant that they were going to see him a lot less often, and Castiel’s face dropped at that. “But he’s fine, Cas, he really is. We’ll see him again, I promise.”

Castiel sighed, looking at the floor. Dean walked closer to him and hesitantly placed his hand on Cas’ arm, which made him look at him. The hunter smiled, not a very wide smile, but he hoped it was a comforting one. Castiel mirrored his expression, with a tired smile, but a beautiful one nonetheless and Dean’s heart skipped a beat. 

He cleared his throat and looked away, a hint of smile unable to leave his face. “You should go get more sleep.”

Castiel was still looking at him. “Yes, you’re right.” Then he started walking away, heading for his room. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Yes, see you in the morning.”

Dean stood there for another few seconds.

\--

Dean couldn’t fall asleep. The light in his room was still on and he was sitting in bed, leaning against the headboard. Thoughts about that night hadn’t stopped running through his head for a moment. 

_ Holding Cas’ hand in the Empty. _

_ Making sure Cas was breathing as soon as they got out, as he was lying on the ground, passed out from exhaustion.  _

_ Sitting next to him, keeping his head up with a hand and clutching his shirt with the other, whispering “it’s okay, you’ll be okay, you’re out of there now” more to comfort himself than anything else. _

_ Carrying him to the Impala, laying him down on the backseat as gently as possible, cursing himself for not having a blanket or anything of the sort, but taking his own jacket off, folding it and placing it under Cas’ head like a pillow.  _

_ Looking back at him from time to time as he was driving, almost as if he was scared he’d disappear again, and the faint and warm light of the sun almost completely set illuminating his face. _

_ The concern in leaving him alone for just a couple of minutes to go buy him something to eat in the practically deserted fast food place and not being able to stop checking on him through the glass door for the whole time he spent there. _

_ Trying not to drive too fast, even if he just wanted to reach the bunker as soon as possible. _

_ Watching him waking up. _

_ Kissing him under the streetlight.  _

A knock on the door snapped him out of his train of thought. “Dean?” Castiel said, opening the door just a little. “Can I?”

“Of course.” He sat up. Castiel closed the door behind him. 

“I didn’t mean to bother, but I saw the light coming from your room, so I thought you’d still be up.”

“I am, and you didn’t bother at all. Can’t sleep either? I thought you were going to pass out the moment your head hit the pillow.”

Castiel shook his head. “I thought so too, but turns out lying in the dark alone after getting out of the Empty isn’t ideal.”

“I suppose, yeah.”

They looked at each other in silence for a while until Dean decided ‘ _ fuck it’. _

“You could sleep here, if you want. So you won’t be alone. We can keep a light on, too.”

A smile spread on Cas’ face and Dean had never felt more at peace. “I would love that.”

Dean leaned over to turn the lamp on the bedside table on and stood to go turn the lights off, as Cas made his way on the bed. 

“Good?”

Cas nods. “Perfect. Thank you.”

When he sat on the bed again, he realized something. “Uhh, I don’t have another pillow…”

Castiel looked at it, probably just realizing it too. “It’s okay,” he said, without looking at him. They both decided to ignore the fact that he could have gone to his room and grab his own.

“Do you need anything? Are you cold? Too warm-?”

“Dean,” Cas interrupted his rambling, lying down under the blanket. “I’m good.”

Dean looked at him for a second, taking in the sight of him lying next to him. He was adorable, really. And Dean was completely, head over heels in love with him. “Right. Good.” He lied down facing him, their faces just a few inches away. “Goodnight, then.”

“Goodnight.”

Neither of them moved nor closed their eyes and they looked at each other for a few seconds before cracking up and starting to laugh. 

“How do you feel, Cas?” Dean asked, after they both calmed down. 

“I’m fine,” he replied, his eyes still bright with laughter.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just really tired.” 

Dean moved a bit closer to Castiel and placed a hand on the side of his face, holding him. Castiel smiled softly and leaned into the touch. “We should talk, properly, tomorrow.”

Dean took a deep breath. “Yeah we should. We will. You should rest now.”

“You too.”

He smiled. “Yeah, of course,” he agreed, and moved his hand away, “goodnight, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

They fell asleep as their hands found each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since a bunch of people liked the first chapter and hopefully this second one too, consider following me on twitter (@starlightmesss) where I scream about deancas almost non stop


End file.
